As a Volunteer Babywearing Educator for my local chapter (BWI of the Triangle) of Babywearing International (and yes, I am a babywearing geek and super excited to have a title confirming it!), I have the opportunity to talk to lots of parents looking to find the perfect carrier for them. While I don’t think there’s a perfect answer to “what is the best carrier,” I do think there are some general guidelines that can help you find the perfect fit. So here’s the first of a series of posts that will explore some things to keep in mind as you select a carrier (future posts will examine selecting a carrier that fits the wearer, choosing carriers for different ages and stages, and so on). And while you’re waiting around for the next installment, browse my ever expanding babywearing guidefor more information!
Toddler Callum in a wrap conversion mei tai
One of the first things I tell new wearers in my “Babywearing 101″ spiel is that you want a carrier to do what your arms do. Think about how you hold a baby and how a baby positions her body. Babies naturally draw up their legs (newborns sometimes all the way into the “froggy leg” position) in order to “cling” to our bodies (not unlike the way our primate cousin’s babies do!). An older child will actually pull her knees up and use them to grip; in fact, Callum can pretty much ride on my hip or back without using his arms to hold on at all. To further facilitate carrying a baby, we hold them close to our body and high on our body – just as with any heavy load, the closer the weight is to our center of gravity, the easier it is for us to carry. We use our hands to support baby’s bum; our arms or body provide support out to baby’s knees. And of course, we hold our babies close enough to kiss!
Those same rules apply to what a good carrier should do:A carrier should support baby all the way to her knees.
A carrier should position baby so that her weight is on her bum, not her crotch.
A carrier should hold baby so that her knees assume a spread “W” shaped position that puts them slightly higher than the bum, allowing for proper hip positioning.
A carrier should allow baby’s spine to curve naturally while preventing baby from slumping into a chin to chest position.
A carrier should position baby high and tight on the wearer, keeping baby’s weight close to the wearer’s center of gravity – close enough to kiss!
If you are interested in further reading about the importance of a supportive carrier to hip development, here’s a good explanation along with some excellent diagrams from the International Hip Dysplasia Institute. I’ve also written previously about alternatives to carriers such as the Baby Bjorn which do not follow the above rules.
The ideal position for babies of all sizes (in my opinion at least!) is an upright, tummy to tummy position (unless baby is nursing). Most babies actually prefer the upright position over a cradle hold, and even brand new newborns can be worn this way in any carrier (including ring slings which many instinctively try to cradle young babies in). An upright position is kinder to babies prone to spitting or reflux. And most importantly, an upright position makes it easier to keep baby from slumping into a chin to chest position. As you can see in my picture of newborn Eleanor above, babies should be facing slightly upwards if they fall asleep in the carrier to avoid the chin to chest slump. A carrier that fits baby and wearer properly will hold baby snug enough to maintain this position without needing to keep a hand on baby (in the picture, I’m taking a break from patting her bum and not supporting her ). Some mei tais and soft structured/buckle carriers come with headrests or sleep hoods that help support a sleeping baby’s head (although properly positioned in a carrier without a sleep hood, a sleeping baby can still be supported).
If the cradle carry is something you strongly want to do, remember that baby should never be horizontal in a carrier. Rather cradle carry is more like a reclined seated position with baby high on your chest. Baby should always be facing up and slightly out (unless nursing of course!) and the fabric of the carrier should never be over baby’s face. Most importantly, baby’s chin should never rest on her chest. For good instructions and further safety tips on doing a cradle carry in a ring sling as well as information on nursing in a sling, see Jan Andrea’s information at Sleeping Baby Productions. Getting help from an experienced babywearer is also a good idea. A properly done cradle carry – and any other newborn position – will allow you to easily see baby’s face and monitor her breathing.
As baby grows, you may find you need to change the carrier or carry you use to continue to provide knee to knee support (you also want to avoid using a carrier that is too large for baby and doesn’t allow the legs to swing freely at the knee). Wraps and ring slings do vary some in width but, in general, you can get a knee to knee carry for any size child (if you are wearing a large toddler, you may find this easier with a wide wrap or toddler width sling). Mei tais and soft structured/buckle carriers are more size specific – what works for a 2 month old probably isn’t going to comfortably accommodate a 2 year old. The mei tai I’m wearing Callum in above is actually “preschool” sized and designed specifically to give knee to knee coverage for a growing toddler. Just as we change the car seats and strollers we use as our babies grow, we may need to change the carriers we use to continue to get a safe and supportive fit. You can read more about newborn carriers and toddler carriers in my babywearing guide.
A baby carrier is a tool, one designed to take the place of a caregiver’s hands, allowing baby to be held close while the caregiver completes other tasks. Like any tool, carriers come with safety considerations. Ensuring a proper position in a carrier not only keeps baby safe – it also keeps baby and wearer comfortable and happy! Next time, I’ll discuss things to consider as far as the comfort of the wearer. In the meantime…wear happily!
Do you have questions about babywearing you’d like us to address? Let us know!
The fabulous Best for Babes recently released their 2011 State of Breastfeeding in the US report. Best for Babes focuses on breastfeeding education and support, particularly in helping women to recognize and overcome “booby traps” that often impede successful breastfeeding relationships. According to their statistics (taken I believe from the Center for Disease Control’s Breastfeeding Report Card), 75% of US mothers initiate breastfeeding, but only 13% are exclusively breastfeeding at the 6 month mark (the CDC reports that 44% of mamas are still nursing at least some at the 6 month mark).
6 months of exclusive breastfeeding is not an arbitrary number. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding with nursing continuing until at least the one year mark in conjunction with solids. The World Health Organization also recommends breastmilk only for the first 6 months with nursing continuing in conjunction with solids until the age of 2. Despite these recommendations, the CDC reports that only 24% of mamas are nursing at all by the time their babies turn 1. 24%.
How is it that in the United States, a country that prides itself on being a leader on the world stage, fewer than 50% of mothers are providing any breastmilk at 6 months and not even one fourth of mamas will meet the recommendation to provide breastmilk to their babies for the first year of life??
Before I go any further I want to make very clear that this is NOT a failure on the part of mamas who do not meet breastfeeding recommendations. This is a failure of American society, a society which continues to offer inadequate education and support for breastfeeding mothers. An American society that continues to throw booby traps in the way of mamas who want to nurse. An American society that has turned the ability to breastfed into a privilege – when it should in fact be the right of every mother and baby.
There have been many debates around breastfeeding which point out that mothers should have the right to choose how to feed their babies, that maybe all mothers don’t want to meet the breastfeeding goals of breastmilk only for 6 months and breastfeeding for at least the first year. I don’t disagree with that. But the reality is that for many women, breastfeeding (or feeding baby donor breastmilk) isn’t a realistic choice. Until we provide every mother with quality education about and support for breastfeeding, we cannot claim that women are making a truly informed choice. Until we remove societal barriers to successful nursing, we cannot claim that all women have a choice to make. In other words, there are many mamas who – if all things were equal – would end up on the “plus” side of the above statistics. We can do better.
It should be the right of all mamas to nurse their babies or otherwise provide them with breastmilk for the first year of life. But it’s not. In many ways, breastfeeding is a privilege in our society, an activity that cannot be participated in equally by all women due to social inequalities. Let me explain …
Access to information about breastfeeding is not equally accessible to all women. The first step to helping mothers become successful in meeting breastfeeding goals is to make sure that they have access to information about how breastfeeding works. It’s not as simple as putting baby to the breast after all! Many women read breastfeeding books, check out excellent web resources (like Kelly Mom or La Leche League), or attend a breastfeeding class while pregnant. But what about the mama who doesn’t have access to the internet or even time to go to the library? What about the mama who has to work long hours to stockpile money to provide for baby and doesn’t have time to research and read? What about the mama who doesn’t even know there’s stuff she should know about breastfeeding before baby is born? What about the mama who isn’t offered a breastfeeding class, attends one “taught” by a poorly informed person, or is unable to attend due to time or financial constraints?
We Can Do Better! At minimum, all prenatal care providers should spend time AT EVERY PRENATAL VISIT discussing breastfeeding. And I mean more than just the “it’s really great and you should do it” spiel accompanied by a pamphlet. Expectant mamas need to hear about how breastfeeding works, what to expect in the early weeks, how to get off to a successful start, and so on. They need to know that many mamas experience difficulties in the first few weeks of nursing and that the vast majority of those can be overcome with support. They need to know where they can get that support. They need to hear misinformation about breastfeeding (like “baby may need formula until your milk comes in” or “you should pump to bring in your milk” or “a big baby will need to be supplemented” or “little boobs won’t make enough milk” and so on) set straight. And they need to hear these things early and often in their pregnancies. Which brings us to our next area of inequality…
All pre- and post-natal care providers and pediatricians are not equally knowledgeable about breastfeeding. If I had a dime for every story about bad breastfeeding advice from a pediatrician or other medical person I’d heard, I’d have quite a pile of money. As an example of the difference knowledgeable providers can make… Eleanor lost 10% of her birth weight, a full pound, and was slow to gain it back; she also spent 3 days in the NICU due to minor breathing issues. We were fortunate to be in a breastfeeding friendly hospital which not only encouraged me to nurse Eleanor, but never offered any artificial nipples during our stay. Eleanor was able to nurse normally, but if she hadn’t been, it was suggested that we syringe or spoon feed either my pumped milk or donor milk. The word formula was never mentioned. Both my midwife and Eleanor’s pediatrician are on top of their breastfeeding knowledge; both knew that her weight loss was not extraordinary given her birth weight and that some babies just take a little longer to hit birth weight (no one in the NICU was worried about her loss either). I’ve talked to other mothers who found themselves with a similarly slow to gain baby; their pediatricians frequently recommended supplementing. In fact, many supplemented with formula before they even left the hospital!
And this isn’t just anecdotal. According to the CDC, nearly 25% of breastfed babies receive formula in the first 2 days of life – that’s 25% of babies whose mothers want to breastfeed. Why is this happening? Knowledgeable providers know that the early days of breastfeeding are huge in terms of getting mother’s milk to come in, establishing a supply, and laying the groundwork for successful nursing. Supplementing with formula can really throw a wrench in the best laid breastfeeding plans – and for those mothers who haven’t received the best breastfeeding education, it can do even worse. The fact is many medical professionals are laying booby traps left and right for mamas struggling with breastfeeding because they themselves lack a strong foundation in the basics of breastfeeding.
We Can Do Better! Those that provide health care to mothers and babies should be well informed about breastfeeding and ready to connect nursing mothers to board certified lactation consultants when problems do arise. There is overwhelming scientific evidence that breastmilk is the perfect food for babies. It should be the priority of all medical professionals working with mothers and babies to make sure they are prepared to help all babies get that breastmilk. This doesn’t mean that providers must become the “breastfeeding police” or be pushy or judgmental in promoting breastfeeding. Rather it means that should know how milk production works, how to provide mothers with options aside from supplementing when breastfeeding hits a bump. They should also know how to help mamas overcome common issues like nursing strikes, biting, growth spurts, sleep regressions – all things that can hamper breastfeeding as babies get older. They do not have to be lactation experts (remember, we do have professional IBCLCs for that!); they do have to stop sabotaging nursing mamas. Speaking of sabotage…
Formula marketing preys on those most likely to struggle with breastfeeding. This topic has been addressed in depth by other breastfeeding advocates so I will simply say that the US should enforce the WHO code for the marketing of breastmilk substitutes. Period. It’s a violation of the WHO code for any health care provider to distribute formula samples. And yet how many mamas do you know who received such samples from the hospital or pediatrician even when they expressed intent to breastfeed? It may seem harmless to take home that “just in case formula,” but when it’s 3am and you are struggling to get baby to nurse, baby is crying and you are exhausted…who would blame mama for turning to the formula. And yet we know that’s a slippery slope to supply issue and even the cessation of nursing. All those formula ads with pictures of happy babies and mamas – violation of the WHO code. Of course formula isn’t poison. But when you see it all around you, it becomes the “normal” way to feed. Bottles are still ubiquitous symbols for babies (and we still have a weird hang up about breasts being used for nursing…but that’s another post altogether) even when we are throwing around the “breast is best” phrase. If you’ve always been surrounded by images of bottle fed babies and rarely ones of nursing babies, it’s no surprise that turning to formula seems the natural thing to do. Again, I’m not claiming that formula is evil, but rather that if we truly want all babies to be breastfed, we should show babies being breastfed. Images are powerful.
We can do better! First, the WHO code should be enforced. No more advertisements for formula, no more formula checks/samples/promotions, and so on. Of course should still be available, but if we really want women to breastfeed, we can’t fill the airways with images of formula feeding. Instead we fill it with images of breastfeeding and make breastfeeding support readily available. Hospitals should all pledge to Ban the Bags and to follow the 10 simple steps outlined by the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative to end formula marketing in hospitals and to promote breastfeeding success. And just because I think it’s so darn important, I’ll say it again…enforce the WHO code. We should be ashamed that we are not. As for other things to be ashamed of…
The United States has a pitiful maternal leave policy that exacerbates existing inequalities. I realize that many mother return to work by choice (more on that in a minute). But the reality is that many mothers DO NOT have a choice when it comes to how much leave time they will take after having a baby. The United States mandates no paid maternity leave (of course employers can choose to offer leave above and beyond the federal mandate). This sets us apart from nearly every other developed economy and puts us behind many developing nations. Only US mothers working at firms with 50+ employees are guaranteed any maternity leave (12 weeks) under federal law – and that leave is unpaid. We rank right along side countries like Ghana and Swaziland. Our fellow developed economies offer mothers either a much longer protected leave or a leave with some pay – or both. For example, Swedish mothers get 480 days of leave at 80% of their salary and British mamas enjoy 90% of their salaries during their year at home with baby.
Most breastfeeding mothers will tell you that breastfeeding starts to get comfortable around six weeks in. And guess when many mamas are returning to work? It’s no wonder then that many choose to switch to formula feeding after only a short go at nursing – why stick with something if you never get to be around to enjoy it once it gets good? To further un-level the playing field, not all mamas can afford to take a full 12 weeks of leave, even if it is offered to them – they simply can’t afford not to work. Or they risk losing their status at work, their shifts, or even their job. Mamas who work for hourly wages are most likely to find themselves unable to take an extended leave from work, either because they can’t afford to do so or because they risk losing their position.
We can do better!! At the very least every working mother, regardless of the size of the firm she works for, should be guaranteed a year of leave from her job without fear of losing anything. If we want mamas to breastfed for a year, we need to give them an opportunity to be with their babies for a year. And at least some (preferably all!) of that leave should be paid. I could get into a big cost savings argument here but I won’t. Suffice it to say that if we add up the savings in childcare alone, paid leave makes perfect sense. Even providing every mother with 3 months of paid leave would do wonders for breastfeeding rates as it would give time for mamas to establish a strong nursing relationship before returning to the workplace. And for those that do return to work…
Not all women who do return to work have equal abilities to maintain a nursing relationship. I realize that some mamas return to work because they have to. And some return to work because they want to. And I fully support mamas who make the choice to work. Even if we did have a fabulous maternal leave policy, I bet some mamas would still go back before their leave is up. We need to make sure, then, that all mamas who work outside the home are supported in their breastfeeding efforts. Right now they aren’t.
A provision of the recent health care act, requires firms (again those with fewer than 50 employees may be exempt) to provide a private space (that is not a bathroom) and as many breaks as needed for mothers to pump. This is a step in the right direction. But despite this law, many mamas still find it difficult if not impossible to pump during the work day. If I’m working an 8 hour shift waiting tables at Applebee’s, it’s going to be tough to pump. If I’m an elementary school teacher with breaks too close together or too far apart, I may find it difficult to keep up with milk production. If I’m a corporate lawyer who sets my own schedule and has a private office…now things are a bit easier.
We can do better!! The current law is a big step towards workplace pumping equality, but it should apply to all employers regardless of size. If breastfeeding becomes the cultural norm, then pump breaks will become a given – and not fodder for water cooler jokes. Larger employers should work to provide on site daycare so that mamas can have mid-day nursing sessions (some already do of course). Pumping is great but many women struggle to keep up their supplies when pumping during the work day; being able to nurse at least once during the workday or even being guaranteed a private space and adequate time without fear of repercussions would take some of the stress off pumping – and make the milk flow faster. And when the milk doesn’t flow…
Donor milk is not a viable option for most mothers unable to breastfeed or who struggle with supply. There are mamas who can’t nurse for various reasons or who are unable to produce enough breastmilk. For most of those mamas, the only viable option currently is formula. Donor breast milk is available from two sources: milk banks (like those of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America) or informal milk sharing networks like Eats on Feets. Most milk banks are prohibitively expensive for long term use. And as the milk is generally in short supply; milk bank milk (which has been screened and pasteurized) is reserved for premature and sick babies. Informal milk shares provide an alternative and the milk is generally free. The downside of course is making connections with trusted donors and the logistics of acquiring milk on a regular basis. I have two mama friends who have used donor milk from informal milk sharing networks; both had the knowledge, connections, and time to spend tracking down and picking up milk. Not all mamas have the time and connections (or even transportation to pick milk up) that my friends have meaning donor milk is not equally available to all mamas and babies who may wish to use it.
We can do better!! The work of national organizations like Eats on Feets and smaller local networks (I’ll give a shout out to the Diapering Doula if any of you are in central NC!) have made informal milk sharing a more viable option for mamas who need to supplement and wish to use donor milk. Social networking sites like Facebook have facilitated mothers connecting. But we need more education about milk sharing and how to do it safely (and we’ve got to enforce the WHO code so that donor milk is seen as the normal option instead of something done under the table). And we need more mamas to donate milk. Many women who pump part time or exclusively find themselves with excess milk in the freezer; if all of those mamas donated their milk, the availability of donor milk would increase. And if every mama who pumped pumped just a little extra every week, think how much more donor milk could go to those seeking it. In the days before formula, babies needing breastmilk were wet-nursed by another lactating mama in their community. Consider milk donation and milk sharing the modern day equivalent. Of course milk sharing brings me to my final point, the importance of community…
All mothers do not have equal access to support networks and connections to others who breastfeed. Breastfeeding is a learned skill, a skill best learned by talking to and watching other mamas nurse. Some time ago I wrote about a chimpanzee born at my local zoo whose mother was unable to nurse her, in large part because she’d never seen another chimp breastfeed. I am completely convinced that one of the primary reasons so many mamas struggle is because they haven’t had exposure to other breastfeeding women and/or they have no women in their circle who are breastfeeding or who have breastfed. Like many of my nursing friends, I have attended La Leche League meetings – one easy way to meet other nursing mothers. But not every mama who wants to nurse has the time do so, least of all those who must work long hours and return to work shortly after birth. I have talked to a number of mothers who are the only ones they know locally who breastfeed, making it more difficult for them to seek help or reassurance when they need it. Part of the reason I knew that it was totally normal for my newborn to want to nurse all the time was because other mamas I knew and trusted told me that’s exactly what their newborns did. That sort of personal guidance goes a long way towards making mamas confident about their abilities to nurse their babies.
We can do better!! The more nursing mamas are visible about their breastfeeding, the more normal it becomes and the more connections new nursing mamas can make. By visible, I don’t mean that women have to run around bare breasted in public as some opponents of public nursing seem to think! Rather, mamas should feel free to nurse their babies wherever they feel comfortable, covered or not. And a simple encouraging smile and knowing nod can go a long way – if you see a mama, especially one with a new baby, nursing, acknowledge it! If you have nursed, remember what it felt like to be uncertain and struggling and pass on your wisdom. Consider joining groups like La Leche League that support and promote breastfeeding. Basically, just talk about breastfeeding!!
Let me leave you with one final illustration of how these inequalities very much impact whether or not a mother will be successful in meeting the goal of nursing for one year. I am a white, middle class mama with an advanced degree; I was 30 when my first child was born – facts I mention because statistics show that women of color, women in poverty, less-educated women, and younger women are all less likely to breastfeed (not surprising as they are most affected by the above inequalities).
While pregnant with my first baby, I had the time and resources to research breastfeeding and was aware of how to handle many common problems (or where to seek help) that new mamas face in breastfeeding. I had providers who talked to me about breastfeeding and delivered in a hospital that sent me home with a manual pump and nursing supplies instead of a bag of formula. I nursed my first born within the first hour of his birth; he was never given anything other than my milk and never left my side at the hospital. My second child had a 3 day NICU stay; still I was able to nurse her within hours of birth, had unlimited access to do so, and was offered the use of donor milk in the event she was unable to nurse and I was unable to pump for her. I had a pediatrician who never mentioned the word formula to me nor offered me samples.
As a full-time PhD student, I had the leisure to choose to stay at home with my children or to return to work (or rather I was able to chose to maintain my student status while still being virtually a stay at home mama). Had I chosen to return to work outside the home full or part-time, I would have had access to a private space to pump and unlimited time to pump. I would not have risked my job or pay in order to pump. I could afford to pay for any support services such as a lactation consultant that I might have needed while nursing.
Had I been physically unable to nurse, I would have had access to information about donor milk and the social/financial/time resources to make donor milk a possibility. I know many women who nurse and have a support network available to me.
I fell on the side of the privilege line that says I have a pretty good shot at meeting any nursing goal I set. Had any of the above things not been true, my breastfeeding story might have been very different. There should be no privilege line, no inequalities in access to breastfeeding, no inequalities in the ability to make a choice about how to feed one’s child. Nourishing a baby with breast milk is a fundamental right – and we would do well to treat it as such.
Just over 9 months ago, we welcomed Eleanorinto the world! Today, while visiting a friend with a wee 3 week old, I was struck by just how much change happens in the first 9 months of life. Our babies undergo more physical, mental, and emotional changes in that time than they will at any other time in their lives. Eleanor started as this sleepy, little curled up squish; now she’s a lanky crawling, cruising, babbling, giggle-box.
Eleanor at 9 months
Some months ago, I wrote about the “fourth trimester” - a belief that the nurturing of pregnancy doesn’t end at birth but rather continues through the first 3 months of baby’s life. But in many ways, our babies aren’t really finished “gestating” even at 3 months old. The “Nine In; Nine Out” theory suggests that human babies aren’t really “full term” until more like 9 months (there’s a nice little write up on this idea here with links to more information). It’s generally accepted that human infants are born less mature than most other mammals. In order to gain our upright posture, we had to sacrifice width on our pelvic opening. Combine that with the large brains of humans and it becomes necessary for our babies to be born before their brains are fully developed.
I really like the Nine In; Nine Out theory because it reminds us just how important our constant nurture is during those first 9 months of baby’s life (not that it becomes less important on that 9 month-day!) to support those developing brains. I’ve written before at my frustration at a society that seems to expect independence from infants; that expectation seems even more absurd when you think about just how immature our babies brains really are. The experiences and interactions with caregivers our babies have in those first 9 months set the stage for much of the rest of their lives. One reason I’m drawn to the principles of Attachment Parenting is because AP specifically recognizes the importance of these early experiences in creating a foundation for children who are confident and independent – yet connected to others – later in life.
I think it’s safe to say that while parenting isn’t always bright and rosy, the moments of frustration are far outweighed by the moments of wonder as we watch our babies grow and change. I’ve loved watching Eleanor grow and change for the last 9 months…and I can’t wait to see the person she will become in the days to come!
I’m a day late but… in honor of “Small Business Saturday” I wanted to review a great small carrier business that just so happens to be local to me – Mei Tai Baby! Read on to find out what I love about this carrier…and to find out how you can get one of your own at a holiday discount!
Eleanor says you should try one!
Mei tais (a simple square of fabric with waist and shoulder straps that tie on) are a great carrier choice as they combine the sizing flexibility of a wrap with the ease parents look for in a buckle carrier – perfect for anyone sharing a carrier with someone of a different build, someone looking for a quick and easy back carry, or someone looking for a carrier that is compatible with a legs out newborn. I almost always recommend mei tais to parents looking for a first carrier because I think they offer a lot of baby/wearer friendly features without a big learning curve. Mei tais are also easier to use than buckle carriers with small babies since you don’t need special inserts for a newborn; you can back carry with them sooner than with a buckle carrier (really as soon as you are comfortable giving it a go) as they can be worn high on your back – and a high back carry is a must for a wee baby.
Love the red straps!
Elisabeth, the mama behind Mei Tai Baby, has put together a carrier that has been a quiet staple of the babywearing world for a number of years. MTB has several features that differentiate it from other mei tais on the market and make it an attractive carrier choice.
You can make it Zippy!!
One of the hardest parts of selecting a mei tai is choosing among all the great print options out there. MTB has the perfect solution – the Zippy panel! A Zippy MTB has hidden velcro along the sides of the front panel that allow you to switch out the decorative panel for a fresh look whenever you want. Zippy MTBs come with 3 panels; additional panels can be purchased as well. Want a solid look? Simply leave the panel out (or wear the carrier “inside out”). MTBs are also available with a traditional sewn-in panel if you need a more budget friendly option.
It has a built in cincher!!
I’m a big fan of wearing babies legs out from birth. In some mei tais, this can be tough to do if the waist band is very stiff or padded. Non-padded waist mei tais like MTB are easier to scrunch to accommodate a small baby’s legs. MTB has made this even simpler with the addition of a built in snap that narrows the carrier base. You can also get a snap extender to incrementally widen the base as your baby grows. Eleanor is no longer small enough to need cinching (sniff!), but this is a great feature to have for the first 4-6 months.
It’s a good deal and supports the local economy!! With models starting at only $84, MTB is a competitively priced mei tai. All of the sewing work is done right here in North Carolina as well. Better yet, you don’t have to stalk to get one; MTBs can be custom ordered through the website and are available through select retailers. And from now through December 31st, MTB is an even better deal -use coupon code BECOMINGMAMAS for 20% any MTB!!
Other things you should know…
Cinched and rolled and ready for a newborn!
As I mentioned above, the MTB is a non-padded waist carrier which means you’ll wear it apron style. It can easily be rolled to shorten the body to better fit a smaller baby. Eleanor is 7 months (about 16 pounds and 28 inches) in these pictures. I’m wearing it apron and it’s a perfect fit with room to grow. The panel size – 15 inches by 20 inches – will allow you to go from newborn to toddler (I’d say it shines as a 0-18 months carrier). MTB recommends 35 pounds as the upper weight limit for comfort.
My MTB Zippy!
The waist straps and shoulder straps are 72 inches long, so the MTB should fit most people comfortably. The top of the body is lightly padded, giving a headrest for a little baby or arms out padding for an older one. The shoulder straps are lightly padded as well. More information about MTB features can be found here.
The Final Word…
I think the Mei Tai Baby is a great choice for someone looking for a mei tai that can be used for the first year or two of babywearing. The construction is solid, the sewing flawless, and the Zippy panels are lots of fun. The built in snap cincher is a big plus for anyone looking to wear a newborn and a big reason why I’ll be suggesting the MTB to new parents – just sorry I didn’t know about them sooner
First…my apologies for a rather long silence – I seem to be running in too many directions these days! Pledging to make more regular posts – so hold me to it! Now on to the post…
My hair...in the time of "poo"
I’ve been annoyed with my hair for some time. The massive postpartum hair loss is never good for one’s hair self esteem! But I’ve also been in a hair rut for some time. You may have noticed that in almost every picture I’m sporting the same messy ponytail…and that’s been true since before I had kids Recently, I had my hair cut shorter again – and it’s super cute…when it behaves. I have hair that can’t decide if it wants to be straight or wavy so instead it goes for frizz. Couple that with my impatience with anything requiring styling products or a hair dryer and well…my cute do ends up a hot mess.
A while back I stumbled across the idea of going “no poo” – as in no shampoo. Usually this means “washing” one’s hair a few times a week with a baking soda mixture and vinegar rinse. I love using those products to clean around the house, but I admit to being a tad skeptical about their use as hair products. Still…the raves got me intrigued. After all, that pricey Wen stuff (you know the infomercials full of beautiful hair!) operates on the same principle – shampoo strips your hair of its natural oils…and its natural oils are what makes it behave. Hair overacts to this stripping by producing too much oil thus necessitating more shampoo… and then more product to try to get back to a good level of oil.
Given that baking soda and vinegar are way cheaper than Wen (although I imagine Wen still gives you that “shampoo smell” that some may miss!), what do I have to lose??
I’ve read that the first couple of weeks of “no poo-ing” can result in rather greasy hair as your hair adjusts and tries to find its natural oil equilibrium. But if one manages to find the right balance of baking soda and vinegar, one should come out with shiny, silky hair at the end of the greasy stage. Here’s hoping!
There are loads of sites discussing the “no poo” method and using baking soda as shampoo, so plenty of folks to help you troubleshoot should your “no poo” routine encounter problems. Too much baking soda can dry out your hair; too much vinegar can make it greasy. For now, I’ve decided to go with….
1 tablespoon of baking soda per 8 ounces of water followed by a rinse of 1 part apple cider vinegar to 7 parts water. Now I’m not sure how much of this mix I should use per “wash” so some experimenting will occur. I already only wash my hair every other day so I’m going to stick with that schedule for now (on off days, it does get a rinse with water). I’m most interested to see if the baking soda will do the job when my hair is sweaty….I’ll keep ya posted!
Just a quick post to give a shout out to my local babywearing mamas…and our new name…Babywearing International of the Triangle (NC)!!! We are thrilled to be a part of Babywearing International and look forward to spreading the babywearing love. I’m also personally excited to be a Volunteer Babywearing Educator – because y’all know I love to talk babywearing
Check us out on our facebook page or on our website (currently under construction)!
Oh, and join The Babywearer and Babywearing International for a babywearing twitter party tomorrow, October 14 – I hear there are some fun giveaways in the works!
One of the fun things about reading with your kids is revisiting old favorites from your own childhood. I always loved Curious George
That “but” is troublesome; it seems to suggest that being curious is somehow in opposition to being “good” (although I find the term “good” when used to describe children problematic anyway), that curiosity is a character flaw of George’s. For those of you not familiar with the books, the plots tend to go something like this: George, who lives with “his friend the man in the yellow hat,” gets into some sort of trouble due to his curiosity (becomes entangled in a pot of spaghetti, paints a room with jungle animals when he should be washing windows, muddles the schedule board of a busy train station, and so on). Inevitably, just as George is about to get in serious trouble, someone realizes that he has in fact been helpful or has done something great after all and his earlier misadventure is forgiven. Everyone goes home happy.
Since I’ve had a lot of time lately to contemplate the deeper meaning of Curious George’s tales, I’ve put more than a little thought into how we (parents/adults) view curiosity. On the one hand, we talk about how great and wonderful curiosity is; we use a lot of language about how we want our children to “explore,” to “experience,” to become “critical thinkers.” That same language appears in talk around schooling and education, in the curriculum and standards for children of all ages. But at the same time, we so frequently tell our children “don’t touch that,” “please stay on the path,” “do it this way” and so on.
I’m not suggesting that we should allow our children to explore life without restriction or guidance. I mean it’s probably a good idea to dissuade them from touching hot stoves or playing with knives. But I wonder if sometimes we don’t mistake our children’s natural curiosity for “mis”-behavior – or at least turn it into that. Curious George is the quintessential toddler (must be one reason he’s so popular with the younger set!). He finds himself in trouble not because he’s a “bad” monkey (as someone in the story usually labels him), but because he wanted to test out a new experience, wanted to help someone, or just thought something looked fun. Callum does the same thing dozens of times a day.
As an example…Callum has recently discovered that he can reach the bathroom sink with his little stool. He takes great pride in filling up his own water cup. On several occasions I’ve realized that I’ve heard the water running longer than it should have been…and sure enough Callum has managed to “make a mess” dumping his cup or filling up the sink or otherwise experimenting. While my first reaction is generally that of mild annoyance, it seems more fair to gently explain why we don’t want to throw water on the floor and help Callum clean it up. After all, like the man in the yellow hat frequently does with George, I did leave Callum unattended!
Often when our toddlers do something “wrong” or “bad” it is annoying, frustrating, or down right inconvenient. But we would do well to remember that like George, our kids are just curious. They lack the capacity as toddler to be truly malicious; like George, they tend to think that people – particularly their parents – are pretty darn cool and lovable. Sure sometimes they “know better” (or we think they do!), but the world is an enticing place full of things to try and test. When Callum is at his “most curious” and I feel my patience wearing thin, I try to remind myself to see the world through his eyes – a place of wonder. That makes the puddles on the floor seem a little less obnoxious.
Perhaps from now on we’ll read about George who “was a good little monkey AND always very curious!”
To those who don’t babywear, celebrating babywearing for a week might seem a bit “odd.” But there are plenty of reasons why babywearing deserves a week of celebration all its own…
First of all…babywearing is a vital parenting tool to many. It’s a way to snuggle little ones, to get our hands back, to give our children a view of the world they wouldn’t get from a stroller/bouncer/etc. For many of us, it has become such a part of the fabric of our parenting that we can’t imagine parenting without it.
Secondly…like many other days/weeks/months of celebration, International Babywearing Week is about advocacy. It’s about drawing attention to why babywearing matters and to how it can improve the lives of parents and babies. And it’s about promoting safe and comfortable babywearing – connecting parents and caregivers with carriers that fit their needs and showing them how to use them safely.
While I’ve been interested in spreading the babywearing love since I started researching carriers prior to Callum’s birth almost 3 years ago, I found myself turning from interested to advocate during the CPSC Slingrider recall. Seeing the lack of knowledge about sling safety and the benefits of wearing in the general public made me want to get involved, to do something to educate other parents and to support the work of baby carrier makers and advocates already at work. The babywearing content here at Becoming Mamas is one way I’ve found my advocacy role. And if you know me from any online forums, you’ll know that I do lots of advocating for babywearing throughout cyberspace
If you wear your baby/toddler/preschooler, do so just a little bit more visibly this week. The best way to promote safe and comfortable babywearing is to get out there and do it! For more information about International Babywearing Week and other ways to become involved in babywearing advocacy and education, visit Babywearing International.
How are you celebrating/advocating for babywearing this week?
Poor Eleanor is learning to crawl. I say poor because she has hit the rocking on hands and knees stage in a furious but so far futile attempt to move. It’s the first thing she does when she wakes and the last thing she does before falling asleep. Heck, she even tries to “sleep crawl” in the middle of the night! As you might imagine, her sleep is suffering a bit.
Last time I wrote about why so many parents feel pressure about sleep…and why they shouldn’t. My sleep advice boils down to “patience and co-sleep or bed share.” On a practical level, bed sharing equals more sleep all around; even 3am motor skills practice doesn’t impact my sleep all that much. While I certainly enjoy the practical side effects of bed sharing – including more sleep – lately I’ve found myself appreciating more and more some of the less discussed benefits.
Before Callum was born, I knew that I wanted to co-sleep (as in have him sleep in our room). I didn’t have a sense of how long that phase might last, and I really didn’t intend to actually bring him in the bed with me. At first, we had an Arms Reach co-sleeper set up beside the bed. But after a month or two I realized that snuggling right beside him was really the best choice for us (see our post here on how to bed share safely); we happily snuggled together until about 15 months or so when we decided to transition him to his own sleeping space.
When Eleanor was born, we settled in to bed sharing right from the start. While I realize that bed sharing (as in sharing the same sleep space) isn’t right for every family, it has been a wonderful way to tackle nighttime parenting for us. Babies wake up at night and often want to eat; bed sharing allows me to nurse and fall right back to sleep. Plus, since she doesn’t have to wake up fully before I help her back to sleep, we generally avoid those lengthy nighttime wakings that make for a very tired mama and a cranky baby.
The other night as I was working to coax a trying to crawl Eleanor to nurse to sleep for the night – and failing as I kept laughing at her adorable antics – it occurred to me that bed sharing serves another important function – it gives Eleanor and I some one on one time that is often lacking during the rest of the day. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty that Eleanor doesn’t get all of the focused attention that Callum did at her age. Sure, she gets to see and do lots of stuff, but much of what we do is centered around Callum’s activities. Eleanor is our cheerful little tag-a-long who soaks it all up.
When I go to bed some hours after Eleanor has fallen asleep, I often spend a few moment just soaking her in. When she rustles in the night or when I wake for no reason at all, I have the luxury of drifting back to sleep with the sweet scent of baby by my cheek. And every morning I am greeted with wonderful grins and giggles before I ever have to get out of bed.
Sure, Eleanor and I spend the majority of these nighttime hours together asleep. But I can’t help but think snuggling her close is an important part of laying the foundation for her own independent spirit to emerge. And while I do miss being able to snuggle under my covers up to my chin on a cold winter’s night, I’ll never regret the hundreds of hours I spent snuggled up with my babies.
Eleanor just turned 5 months old. Which means the conversation around “sleep-training” and “cry-it-out” methods is well underway in the mama groups I follow. While I’m admittedly anti-CIO, that’s not really the point of this post. Instead I want to address the pressure that many parents feel to use CIO …even when it’s something that feels horribly wrong to them. Why do so many wonderful and well-intentioned parents believe that the only way their child will ever get enough sleep is to learn to “self-soothe” by crying themselves to sleep?
By sleep training I’m referring to those methods that involve leaving baby to cry alone whether with check-ins at timed intervals (like Ferber) or those without any checking at all that instruct parents to leave baby alone until she stops crying, however long that takes. That covers a wide range of methods for sure and parents use these at a wide range of ages. And just to be clear, I’m not here to vilify parents who do decide that sleep training is right for them. However, I do think that society deserves blame for making parents feel like “sleeping through the night” and “self-soothing” are some magical milestones that parents must “teach” their babies or else risk having a “bad sleeper” for the rest of their lives – and that the only way to teach those things is through CIO.
Why is Western culture so fixated on the idea that infants should sleep independently at such an early age? We don’t expect our children to be potty trained at this age, to eat independently, to dress themselves, play alone, or a great many other things. And yet we are made to feel that something is “wrong” if our baby doesn’t sleep solidly in her crib from 7 to 7 without our assistance by some point during the first year of life. Add to this the the way that nighttime wakings affect parents’ sleep and well-being…it’s not that surprising then that parents want a quick fix. But there is another way.
I’ve heard variations of the same comments in almost every discussion on sleep training. Here’s my take on some of them…
“CIO was the only way we could get her to sleep through the night.”
The problem with this statement is the assumption that sleeping through the night is a necessary thing or even normal. Do you sleep through the night? I don’t (and didn’t even before I had kids!). Most of us wake at least once during the night, perhaps so briefly that it hardly registers as a waking. Of course, you and I are adults and able to put ourselves back to sleep quickly and without effort – most of the time at least. Haven’t you ever had a night when you had trouble getting to sleep or going back to sleep for some reason? Doesn’t it then follow that our babies would also wake at night and that sometimes those wakings may be more prolonged (particularly during developmental milestones)?
“I’m doing him a favor by teaching him to self soothe.”
Yes, it’s our job as parents to teach our kids things. But more often than not there are multiple ways to teach those things. I could teach my toddler to use the potty by spanking him any time he had an accident. Or I could do what most of us do and slowly follow his cues, helping him when he messes up, reassuring him and providing him the tools for success. Learning to self-soothe isn’t something to be learned in 3 nights of sleep training boot camp. It’s something we have to coach our children through, something we have to model for them, and something we nurture by providing soothing as they learn to do so for themselves. Just like anything else we teach our kids it will take time, they will have set back, and they will eventually get there at their own pace.
“Baby isn’t getting enough sleep because he wakes so often.”
Babies have relatively short sleep cycles compared to adults, meaning they have more opportunities to wake. Does all that waking mean they aren’t getting enough sleep? Not necessarily. It is true that if your baby wakes frequently and stays awake for prolonged periods, he may end up sleep deprived. But for most infants, waking and being soothed back to sleep does not cause an overall lack of sleep. You can’t judge an infant’s sleep patterns by that of an adult – in other words, just because you don’t feel rested, doesn’t mean that baby doesn’t.
“My baby is fussy and grumpy from all that night waking.”
It is certainly possible for a baby to not get enough sleep. But amount of sleep and being able to go to sleep (and stay asleep) without assistance are two different issues. If your baby seems to be running on a sleep deficit, why assume that means that she needs to put herself to sleep to solve the problem? I know that when I’m most exhausted, when I have the most on my mind, or when I’m in pain (think busy baby who is exploring the world, learning new skills, and possibly teething!) I have the most trouble sleeping. So if baby really is struggling to get enough sleep, he does need our help – soothing to sleep and possibly altering sleep routines (such as changing bedtime and naptimes, etc) – in order to get more sleep.
“My pediatrician said there was no medical reason for her to eat at night.”
Unless your child has a sleep disorder and is seeing a sleep specialist (and most pediatricians are hardly sleep specialists), sleep decisions are parenting issues not medical ones. Sure, a healthy 5 month old can go 8, 10, 12 hours overnight without eating. But there’s also nothing wrong with them if they don’t. This is particularly true of breastfed babies. Nursing is about far more than just eating – it’s about comfort as well (and I would also make the same argument for parents who practice nurturing bottle feeding). It’s mama’s touch that is needed as much as mama’s milk. Many babies use nighttime hours to reconnect with mama, particularly when mama works outside the home. It’s also worth remembering that as babies become more and more alert, they become more and more distracted when it comes to eating. Nighttime nursing is often a way for babies to make up missed calories when they are more focused and drowsy. As babies grow older, there are gentle ways to encourage night weaning (Jay Gordon’s night weaning method is one). There are also things you can do to reduce night eating; Kellymom.com has excellent tips and further reading on the subject.
“My husband/wife/mother/cousin/best friend’s aunt said we had to.”
This one bothers me because something as major as leaving your young baby alone to cry should not be a decision made by anyone but parents – and it should be one that both parents are in 100% agreement on, not something that one pressures the other in to no matter how well intentioned. So the next time great aunt Maise says “you’d better just let that baby cry” tell her “my kid; my choice” and leave it at that.
“I sat outside his door and cried as he cried.”
If leaving your child alone to cry drives you to tears (or makes you want to hide away with a glass of wine and loud music) …you are trying to tell you something, namely that this isn’t right. I think it’s enough to say that if the process makes you feel awful, it’s making baby feel pretty awful too. And there is another way.
“He’s such a bad sleeper that I had no other option.”
There are lots of options to explore before resorting to CIO. While I confess that I’ve not read it myself, I’m told that even Ferber sees his graduated crying intervals as a last resort, the thing you do when you’ve spent months trying everything else. And yet, some form of CIO seems to be the first thing many parents turn to when they decide (or when they are pressured in to feeling) that it’s high time baby could self soothe. If you feel like something needs to give in your sleep situation, Elizabeth Pantley’s The No-Cry Sleep Solution Pantley notes that her method is not a quick fix – and that’s probably true of any gentle sleep learning method you use. But if you really want to change sleep habits, that will take time and effort.
“Rocking, nursing, wearing my baby to sleep is a bad habit.”
Guess what. I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that all children will outgrow any of these routines on their own. And if you really don’t want to wait for that to happen, you can replace them with another routine with a little bit of effort (Pantley’s book has useful tips on this). Maybe rocking to sleep turns to rocking and then in bed awake and then to just sitting by the bed while baby falls asleep to being able to just tuck baby in and leave.
Most importantly, if these are rituals you enjoy and baby enjoys, who cares what anyone else thinks. If it works for you, run with it. A loving act like rocking your little one to sleep can hardly be called a bad habit.
“I.AM.SO.TIRED.”
I feel ya! By the time you’ve dealt with night wakings for more than a few months, you are probably feeling done. Who wouldn’t want a lovely, uninterrupted night of sleep? This is where I think the power of expectation comes in to play. Now I realize that having to get up several times a night sucks any way you slice it. But it sucks less if you are expecting it to happen and believe that it’s normal. It sucks more if you think baby really should be over this and that you should be able to sleep without having to help baby. I speak from personal experience on this one. Try it. I don’t promise you’ll feel like a million bucks, but I do think you’ll feel less angry about the situation – and less angry means a better mood which means you can run well on less sleep.
Happy feelings aside, there are other things that you can do to minimize the impact of night wakings on you. First and most importantly – bed-share (as in baby is in your bed) or co-sleep (as in baby is in your room in a separate sleep space). I realize this isn’t for everyone. But for many babies it will minimize night wakings and help mama get more sleep too (although I know there are some babies out there who actually sleep better in their own space). If baby is next to you, you can get to baby before she fully wakes (as in starts crying full out) – and that means you get her back to sleep quickly…and get yourself back to sleep quickly too. If you are like me, you find it tough to get back to sleep if you’ve been up for 15 minutes or so. Because she’s right beside me, when Eleanor starts to wake I often hardly have to wake myself to get her back to sleep. So even though I’m technically up with her several times a night – I still wake feeling well rested. It’s the nights when I have to get up with my toddler because he’s having a rough teething night or has wet the bed (sorry folks, night waking don’t end with infancy!) that I actually feel the most sleep deprived; those nights I have to wake up so fully to help Callum I have a harder time getting back to sleep so my sleep ends up really fragmented. Fortunately, Callum is really cute so I forgive him for interrupting my sleep.
Even if you aren’t in to co-sleeping, making minor changes to your routine can help. Regardless of how baby is fed, both parents should be able to soothe and get baby to sleep. Eleanor gets nursed to sleep a lot. But if I’m not around, Jesse can wear her to sleep. This means the burden isn’t always on me to get her down. It also means that Eleanor is learning that it’s not just nursing that’s comforting, but rather the attention of a loving parent. It’s also important to work with your partner to trade off sleeping in or going to bed early – one day sleeping in or even grabbing a weekend nap can make a big difference. If you are like me and not much for napping, just having an hour or two of kid free time can be refreshing.
I also can’t say enough about the power of exercise, fresh air, and sunlight. Taking a brisk walk in the morning sun can do wonders for your disposition. I’ve been sidelined by a stress fracture in my foot for the last 5 weeks – not being able to run or even take a long walk has made me feel far more tired and cranky than any number of night wakings do. Try it. It works!
Finally, if your baby has hit a period of frequent wakings, you may need to temporarily adjust your own sleep habits. Of course it’s nice to unwind with a good movie at the end of the day, but maybe it’s wiser to hit the hay early in anticipation of being up later. And sure you’ve got plenty of work to get done, but sometimes things just have to wait. This too shall pass.
Babies cry because they need us. They have immature brains that are working hard to understand the world – those same immature brains and all that hard work are frequently the very things that make them cry for us in the night or need our calming touch to drift off to sleep. When our babies stumble and fall as they learn to walk and crawl, we pick them up and comfort them and help them try again. Should we not do the same when they “stumble” in their sleep?
). Some mei tais and soft structured/buckle carriers come with headrests or sleep hoods that help support a sleeping baby’s head (although properly positioned in a carrier without a sleep hood, a sleeping baby can still be supported).
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Pantley notes that her method is not a quick fix – and that’s probably true of any gentle sleep learning method you use. But if you really want to change sleep habits, that will take time and effort.
